What is this about?
The thing about Tara Costigan’s story, is that most of it, you’ve probably heard before — a woman falls in love, and sees her future with a man she adores. But then the man she adores reveals who he really is, and things get worse. He never hits her, no, but the emotional abuse is a harbinger of what’s to come, but, no one realises it.
What else is this about?
This is about Tara’s life as much as it is her death — it’s about a woman who lived for her children above else, adored her family and built a life for herself.
Blurb
For readers of true crime and books such as SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, a shocking and movingly told portrait of the murder of suburban mum Tara Costigan and an examination of why domestic violence affects us all
Tara Costigan was the woman next door. A hard worker. Quick to laugh and easy to like. She was happy, confident, strong. A woman who always looked after herself and her kids. Close with her family and her friends, she was much loved. Then, in 2013, she met Marcus Rappel. A local tradie, he was charming and sincere, they dated and fell in love. That should have been the end of a happy-ever-after story. But for Tara, it was much uglier. And for her family it would be devastating.
A year later, Tara was pregnant to Marcus. Her family had been worried for a while, but Tara didn’t tell anyone how Marcus’s jealousy was souring the relationship. She tried to keep it quiet. Despite everything, she never imagined he would be physically violent – he would never hurt her.
Tara was wrong. One fine day, the last day of summer in 2015, she was holding their newborn baby in her arms when he attacked her with an axe. Her murder seemed to come out of the blue. But as this extraordinary, often shocking book reveals, it did not.
THE FIRST TIME HE HIT HER is an attempt to understand why dozens of women are murdered each year by men who profess to love them.
The First Time He Hit Her is the story of how Tara Costigan fell in love with Marcus Rappel, and charts the progression of their relationship until her killed her.
Tara’s story isn’t exactly new, and as I mentioned above it’s a story you’ve probably heard before: Tara was a single mother to two boys when she fell in love with Marcus. He was everything she wanted for herself, and her boys. But then Marcus began to reveal who he was — in his night time rages, his jealousy and the verbal abused he heaped on Tara. Drugs and steroids were an issue as well.
Seven days after she gave birth to their daughter, she took out a DVO — Domestic Violence Order — against him. The day he was served with the DVO, he killed her while she was holding their baby.
Tara Costigan’s life
Heidi Lemon takes great care in drawing a picture of Tara outside of her relationship with Marcus and emphasises that Tara was more than just his victim.
Tara Costigan was a woman who lived for her boys, who did everything for them and worked several jobs to make sure they got everything they needed. She had her family around her — her grandmother and her siblings, and Lemon describes in detail just how her death affected the closest of her family to her.
By every account, Tara was, as the cover says, the woman next door.
The other things this book makes clear is the Tara loved Marcus — and withdrew from her close-knit family to because of him. Marcus never hit her, but signs like this, and his verbal and emotional abuse were indicators that no one caught.
For Lemon in particular, her case was a reminder of a verbal and emotionally abusive relationship she endured and survived — and knowing the path of Tara’s relationship — failed to recognise as abusive because she was never physically at risk.
The case against Marcus Rappel
Lemon also takes readers into the courtroom, and the case against Marcus.
While she describes the testimonies and the cross-examinations, she keeps it all accessible to readers and those scenes remain a poignant reminder that those left behind are Marcus Rappel’s victims too.
There was outrage after Tara was murdered, but there’s a passage at the end of the book from the prosecutor, Shane Drumgold, about meaningful change when it comes to domestic violence. The outrage that follows senseless violence like this he , he says, is directed at appeasing our guilt for letting it happen, and then life goes on as normal.
What we need is cultural changes — and we are so far from that.
I always find books like this one hard to read, even when they’re well-written. The subject matter is just so upsetting and heartbreaking, you know?
It really is. In this one, I also learned about the prosecutor and agreed with what he said about how here at least, we get outraged, but there’s no change, to the law or society.
I’m not sure I could bring myself to read this one just because of the subject matter, but it does sound like the author did a good job with it.
She did. I think tying her own experiences into the narrative brought a different POV to the story.
This case is so heartbreaking but it sounds like a really good read and an important one at that!
It really is — she adored her children and did everything for them, which makes the actual circumstances around her murder worse. (It involved her kids )
This is just heart-breaking; this would be so hard to read.
It was, but it was also about her, and how lovely and loved she was. Like she was more than his victim in a way.
Family or gender violence is the third greatest risk to women’s health, behind childbirth. I know first hand growing up how it effects families, being a child of domestic violence and seeing the brutality leaves a lasting effect. I actually don’t remember Tara Costigans story but it’s the story so many women around Australia share. A violent and abusive partner who claims to love them and women who eventually escape consider themselves to be the lucky ones. It’s devastating and the lack of funding for domestic violence services is deplorable. I hope this book raises awareness and keeps people talking, putting pressure on the federal government to offer more support and stop defunding family violence programs.
Oh, Kelly (hugs) I think one of the things that stuck with me the most in this book are the comments by the prosecutor who called out the outrage that follows deaths Like Tara’s. It got me thinking about all the things politicians say butlikeyou pointed out, we need a whole lot more to stop things like this happening.