Anxiety is a motherf@@ker.
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like this, but this past week, about three times, I felt my heart beat so fast I thought it was going to beat out of my chest, I couldn’t stop shivering and my palms were sweaty.
Two things set me off — one work and one personal — but this feeling… it was like I was watching this happen to someone else, but I could feel myself cold, I could feel my hands sweaty.
And it’s been a long, long time since I felt like this. I thought I had it under control and it snuck up on me this week. Sighs. It wasn’t a productive week as I thought it would be, and it feels like I’ve stepped a bazillion steps back because I don’t know how to get back the control I had.
Has anyone felt like this? How do you control yourself when you feel out of control like this?
Reading wasn’t much fun this week, and I feel like I’ve been foggy all week, which has made getting out of bed pretty damned difficult.
I am hoping this week will be better — how was your weekend?
Here’s a little bit of what mine entailed:
A Complicated Love Story Set in Space
Black Mirror meets What If It’s Us in this gripping, romantic, and wildly surprising novel about two boys lost in space trying to find their way home—while falling in love—from the critically acclaimed author of We Are the Ants.
When Noa closes his eyes on Earth and wakes up on a spaceship called Qriosity just as it’s about to explode, he’s pretty sure things can’t get much weirder.
Boy is he wrong.
Trapped aboard Qriosity are also DJ and Jenny, neither of whom remember how they got onboard the ship. Together, the three face all the dangers of space, along with murder, aliens, a school dance, and one really, really bad day. But none of this can prepare Noa for the biggest challenge—falling in love. And as Noa’s feelings for DJ deepen, he has to contend not just with the challenges of the present, but also with his memories of the past.
However, nothing is what it seems on Qriosity, and the truth will upend all of their lives forever.
Love is complicated enough without also trying to stay alive.
What on earth is going on Qriosity? And I am crossing everything that the love story and adventure in space comes together because this blurb? Just sounds all sorts of fantastic!
The Secret Women
TOP SUMMER 2020 BEACH READ PICK–Time, Woman’s World, and Parade.
The author of Dancing on the Edge of the Roof, now a Netflix film starring Alfre Woodard, returns with a riveting, emotionally rich, novel that explores the complex relationship between mothers and daughters in a fresh, vibrant way—a stunning page-turner for fans of Terry McMillan, Tayari Jones, and Kimberla Lawson Roby.
Elise Armstrong, Carmen Bradshaw, and DeeDee Davis meet in a yoga class. Though vastly different, these women discover they all have one thing in common: their mothers have recently passed away. Becoming fast friends, the trio make a pact to help each other sort through the belongings their mothers’ left behind. But when they find old letters and diaries, Elise, Carmen, and DeeDee are astonished to learn that each of their mothers hid secrets—secrets that will transform their own lives.
Meeting each month over margaritas, the trio share laughter, advice, and support. As they help each other overcome challenges and celebrate successes, Elise, Carmen, and DeeDee gain not only a better understanding of the women their mothers were, but of themselves. They also come to realize they have what their mothers needed most but did not have during difficult times—other women they could trust.
Filled with poignant life lessons, The Secret Women pays tribute to the power of friendship and family and the bonds that tie us together. Beautiful, full of spirit and heart, it is a thoughtful and ultimately uplifting story of unconditional love.
Yeah. It’s blurbs like these that make me wish I remembered to be a better daughter. (in my head anyway). I get so wrapped up in my own head, I don’t know how to break out of it, and well *throws hands up in the air*
The Year Shakespeare Ruined my Life
Alison Green, desperate valedictorian-wannabe, agrees to produce her school’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. That’s her first big mistake. The second is accidentally saying Yes to a date with her oldest friend, Jack, even though she’s crushing on Charlotte. Alison manages to stay positive, even when her best friend starts referring to the play as “Ye Olde Shakespearean Disaster.” Alison must cope with the misadventures that befall the play if she’s going to survive the year. She’ll also have to grapple with what it means to be “out” and what she might be willing to give up for love.
Shakespeare never sounded so interesting as he does in this blurb! Poor Alison — this is going to be a heel of a year for her, and hopefully some lighthearted goodness for the rest of us!
The Girl Beneath the Sea
For a Florida police diver, danger rises to the surface in an adventurous thriller by the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Naturalist.
Coming from scandalous Florida treasure hunters and drug smugglers, Sloan McPherson is forging her own path, for herself and for her daughter, out from under her family’s shadow. An auxiliary officer for Lauderdale Shores PD, she’s the go-to diver for evidence recovery. Then Sloan finds a fresh kill floating in a canal—a woman whose murky history collides with Sloan’s. Their troubling ties are making Sloan less a potential witness than a suspect. And her colleagues aren’t the only ones following every move she makes. So is the killer.
Stalked by an assassin, pitted against a ruthless cartel searching for a lost fortune, and under watch within her ranks, Sloan has only one ally: the legendary DEA agent who put Sloan’s uncle behind bars. He knows just how deep corruption runs—and the kind of danger Sloan is in. To stay alive, Sloan must stay one step ahead of her enemies—both known and unknown—and a growing conspiracy designed to pull her under.
Oh hello, a police diver with a family history of treasure hunting and drug smuggling? This is the first time I’m seeing a thriller with an undersea diver/ cop and I am definitely ready to find out a new kind of investigative thriller!
Shadows of the Dead
The best tracker in the world, a man with a secret and a special set of skills, must find two nearly untraceable killers before time runs out for their victims, in Spencer Kope’s Shadows of the Dead.
A woman—abducted and found in the trunk of a car after a high-speed chase—regains consciousness in the ICU to reveal two crucial pieces of information: the man who kidnapped her is not the same as the man who left her in the woods, and she’s not the first victim—in fact, she is number eight.Magnus “Steps” Craig is part of the elite three-man Special Tracking Unit of the FBI. Known for his ability to find and follow trails over any surface, Steps is called in on cases that require his unparalleled skills. But there’s a secret to his talent. Steps has a kind of synesthesia where he can see the ‘essence’ of a person—what he calls ‘shine’—on everything they’ve touched.
Brought in to track the driver through a dense forest after the blood hounds have lost his trail, Steps and his partner Jimmy find the driver laughing maniacally, babbling about souls, and hiding a pristinely maintained box of eight posed rats. Now the Special Tracking Unit must chase two villains—through not just the real world, but the dark web as well—tracking an enemy they can’t see, as time runs out for the unknown victims
This is the first time I’ve seen a book with synesthesia like this — and then there’s the two possible killers, one who kidnaps women and the other who lets them go? And where are the other seven women?
Do any of these strike your fancy?
I have had a few moments of anxiety over the last few weeks. I think it is possibly to be expected given how crazy the world is.
I hope you figure out how to get things back on track.Be kind to yourself.
Thanks Marg. I’m getting there. This one just snuck up on me.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I really hope this week is better!
The Year Shakespeare Ruined My Life sounds fun!
Thanks Angela, I hope so too. I’m getting there, I think (I hope!).
I hope you’re doing okay now, Verushka. Sounds like an anxiety or panic attack? Hopefully it won’t happen again. Take care of yourself, okay? ♥
Thanks Steph — it was an anxiety attack. I hope it won’t happen again, but at least I know the warnings signs if it does.
I am sorry to hear you had a difficult week. I used to suffer from anxiety attacks (so bad, I carried Xanax), which is what this sounds like to me. Take care and ((HUGS))
Thanks Sam — it was an anxiety attack, and I didn’t even realise what it was until the next day. I’ve been feeling better slowly, so that’s progress.
I’m really looking forward to reading Shadows of the Dead…mostly because I loved Copes first two books. And my anxiety levels have been riding high lately, too, so that any extra little thing becomes almost too much to handle.It’s like I have to remind myself to breathe sometimes. I blame it on everything that’s going on in the world right now. Hang in there! I hope this week is a better one for you. 🙂
When all of this went down with me last week, i felt this weight on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe at one stage. It was horrible, and I just wanted to hide away to be honest.
And Copes: i need to check out the rest of his work — this one sounds amazing!
Here’s to both our anxiety levels behaving this week!
I have a review scheduled for Shadows of the Dead. I liked it and went back and picked up the first book, Collecting the Dead, which I’ve just finished but haven’t reviewed.
It does sound like anxiety, and it is an awful feeling. I’ve been in a store (long, long ago, before pandemic or BP) and had to check out even though I wasn’t through shopping, but yours sounds more serious. All of the current general and specific anxieties would make things worse. Lexapro helps me. I do hope you find an answer that works for you.
Thank you Jen — still working on figuring out what works for me. This episode through me for a loop, so it’s very much a work in progress. I sincerely need to stop watching and reading the news, but at the same time, the likelihood of a second wave is growing here, os I need to know what to do and what not to do, you know? Sighs.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had such a rough week. Anxiety is the worst and probably more easily triggered these days than it would normally be because of the pandemic and all of the uncertainty surrounding it. I really hope this week is better for you.
Thanks Suzanne — I’m glad the week is halfway over. I genuinely think I need a break.
I see several here I’m very interested in. Can you believe I’m actually on a romance kick right now? I think they are the break my head needs. I’m so sorry you had a tough week. I hope things get better on your end and if you need anything, let me know!
Shadows of the Dead sounds fascinating! Thanks for sharing all of these.
I’m sorry your anxiety has been rough lately. Just remember that it’s not your fault, and that it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, or that you can’t get back to “normal.” I deal with anxiety and depression too, and it’s been rough lately. I have good days and bad days and sometimes I find myself crying – and I don’t always have a particular reason for it. It’s just a crazy world we live in right now, plus all the other aspects of everyday life. I’m here if you need to chat though!!
-Lauren