Blame: When Motherhood isn’t picture perfect

Blame by Nicole Trope Book Review

What is this about?: Here’s the thing about motherhood — what we see around us curated and picture perfect. Sure there are the odd pics of a “brave” mum posting about the realities of it, but on the whole, we want motherhood to be perfect. We want to know that we’ll instantly bond with kids, and instincts will kick in and everything will be alright in a magical way. But it’s not. In the case of Blame, it’s about the bringing up a severely autistic kid in Anna’s case, and for Caro, who is an alcoholic, it’s about trying to handle her numerous miscarriages and a crumbling marriage.

What else is this about?: The search for who killed Maya, Anna’s daughter. I should probably switch this and the above around, but I’ll leave this as is for now. The strength in this book is the above,

Should you read: Yes.

Stars: 3.5

Blurb: ‘I am here because they suspect me of something. I am here because I am a suspect. I know that, she knows that. Everyone knows that.’ Anna

‘It wasn’t my fault. None of this is my fault!’ Caro

Caro and Anna are best friends… they were best friends. Over a decade, Caro and Anna have bonded while raising their daughters, two little girls the same age but living two very different lives. The women have supported each other as they have shared the joys and trials of motherhood, but now everything has changed.

There’s been a terrible car accident, an unimaginable tragedy that leaves both families devastated. Over two days as Caro and Anna each detail their own versions of events, they are forced to reveal hidden truths and closely guarded secrets.

The complicated lives of wives and mothers are laid bare as both women come to realise that even best friends don’t tell each other everything. And when hearts are broken, even best friends need someone to blame.

A hard- hitting, provocative and gripping read from the queen of white-knuckle suspense and searing family drama.

‘If you love writers such as Jodi Picoult, Nicole may just be your cup of tea.’ The Hoopla

Everyone keeps telling me that when I have kids, my mother instincts will kick in, and that I’ll love my kid no matter what, that even in that moment I’ll realise I’ve always wanted kids. We tend to perpetuate the picture perfect, everything-going-right image of motherhood and the thing is, it’s not. It’s damn hard, stressful and I can’t figure out how earth mothers are supposed to go through life knowing everything about their kids and what to, and lose weight, cook and god knows what else.

I had to get that off my chest because the thing about Caro and Anna, the two best friends at the centre of this story is that they wanted to be normal mothers — they wanted to get pregnant, have their kids grow up together, to love them unconditionally and to be the best mothers they could be. But life went very differently.

The book opens in the interrogation rooms where Anna and Caro are being questioned separately about the events leading up to Anna’s daughter’s death. These are claustrophobic scenes, highlighting how these women slowly become trapped by the events that they’re relating and the lies that they’re telling. Flashbacks are used expertly to take readers back to the beginning of their friendship, without stalling the flow of the story in the present either.

Slowly we learn how these women met, how they came to rely on each other, while surrounded by picture perfect mums with perfect kids and even more perfect marriages. Those mums didn’t have to endure endless visits to the doctor to diagnose Maya’s autism, a husband who didn’t want to acknowledge his daughter needed help and a life that was slowly unravelling under the weight of taking care of Maya. Those mums also didn’t have to endure several miscarriages like Caro did and a marriage that couldn’t really withstand her grief.

All of this binds them together more than ever, which makes the end of the novel even more heartbreaking. What do you do when you’re pushed to the limit? That’s the question the book asks, and for me at least, makes me question how we still treat motherhood and those mothers who need help; who crying out for it, even if they don’t know it themselves. The expectations of mothers are mind-fucking-boggling and we still treat those women who need help like something is wrong with them.

So, I got ranty, didn’t I? But Blame is that kind of book — I mean that in a good way! An excellent mystery got me thinking about something else entirely — and when a book does that, it’s a good thing right?

What do you think of Blame? And motherhood? And the expectations we have of mothers?

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7 Comments

  • Liselle @ Lunch-Time Librarian says:

    I’m glad I’ve read this review after your comment about What Alice Forgot. I’m a fan of these books that mix real-life issues and concerns with things like mystery and suspense. I think a lot of people have a perfect vision of what their lives will be like, and when the present doesn’t match up, it can be really hard. Which is why stories like this that depict characters where not everything goes as planned are so important. Hoping to read this one eventually!

    • Verushka says:

      You’ve exactly described this book, Liselle. It’s a theme that’s running through it and it reminded me a lot of what new mothers deal with. In this case surrounded by people who aren’t willing or able to understand what they’re going through.

  • Let's Get Beyond Tolerance says:

    Sounds like a really intriguing novel. I do want to have kids someday, but motherhood can be a frightening thing. And it’s definitely not for everyone, so you shouldn’t go around telling people “you’ll want kids ONCE you have them.” It’s like…no. You have to be ready.

    • Verushka says:

      I hear that so many times — you just have to have a kid and it’ll all be okay. Says who! Honestly, people who say that drive me barmy. And the thing is, if you argue, you have no leg to stand on because how would you know? You don’t have kids!

  • Lola says:

    It sounds like this book shows the less than perfect side of motherhood. It’s a shame how sometimes all we see are the perfect things, while things hardly ever are that way. It sounds like a book that makes you think about things. I think it’s a good thing there are books that show us the less than perfect side of life as well.

  • Literary Feline says:

    This sounds like a must read book. It really is hard. Our expectations of what we want life to be and then how it really is . . . It can be frustrating and disappointing if we let it be. In terms of the motherhood issue, I wasn’t sure I wanted a child for the longest time. I’d run through a list of pros and cons and the cons always won out–until that moment when I didn’t care what the cons were. I don’t think anyone can be totally prepared for having children, even when he or she thinks he is. It’s unpredictable. It’s wonderful. It’s horrible. It’s amazing and crazy and frustrating and beautiful and ugly . . . I see parents who make it look so easy–they talk the good talk and all that, but who knows if it’s really true. It hasn’t been easy for me. It’s been a real test. I’m not one of those parents who will tell you life isn’t complete until you have a child. It depends on you–what you want and how you feel. We’re all different.

  • Eva @ All Books Considered says:

    Great review! Ranty is not a bad thing, that’s for sure — glad you got passionate while reading this. Definitely sounds interesting!!

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